Matthew’s Poem

 In Poems

My Strong Mask of Brokenness Will Someday Be Made Whole

I hide behind the smiles and laughter

Appearing to be strong.

But on the inside I am filled with pain and strife,

And everything seems so wrong.

Why did this have to happen?

How long will this depression and sadness last?

Will I ever feel happy again?

These are questions I frequently ask.

Does anyone understand

Or get what I am going through?

People often say things will get better-

How I long for this to be true.

Everyone else seems to have moved on with their lives

While I’m stuck in rewind or standing still

Left staring blankly out the window or at the wall

Reliving every moment, every memory, without will.

I’m sick of seeing pregnant people

And listening to when they are due.

I’m tired of seeing newborn babies

And promises of bright futures that are so fresh and new.

I really try to be happy for them-

Even if I don’t ask, it doesn’t mean I don’t care.

It’s that times like this

Are just too difficult to bear.

I wish people would take a minute

And put themselves in my shoes.

Maybe then they would think twice about their comments

Thus enlightening them with an empathetic view.

“Congratulations on your pregnancy!”

“By the way, when are you due?”

“All babies are ugly when they are first born.”

Oh… if people only knew.

Add to that, “You have to be happy for others.”

And, “You can’t just shut them out of your life.”

“Well, at least you can have more children.”

These are the comments that equate to being stabbed with a knife.

I’m reminded to cherish the positives in life

And to find the good in every situation.

I’m told to remain hopeful.

How do I do this when depression seems to be an infatuation?

I try to turn to God

To help me understand

The reason for this senseless act

It’s a constant reminder that He is in command.

I don’t have the answers now

They are kept at Heaven’s gate.

I look forward to the day

When I no longer have to wait.

God and I will have a chat

And I will get to ask him “why”

My little boy was taken so quickly

It’s as if he was only passing by.

But soon after this chat

I know that I will get to see

My precious little angel, Matthew,

Waiting just for me.

I envision running up to him

With my arms stretched out wide.

I imagine wrapping him in arms of love

And having him always by my side.

It is now that I can hold him

And rock him in my arms-

These aching arms that have felt so empty

Are now filled with so much charm.

Our family chain, once broken,

Will once again be made whole.

When we reunite eternally in Heaven

As faithful, loving souls.

Written by Kristen Woods


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