My Strong Mask of Brokenness Will Someday Be Made Whole
I hide behind the smiles and laughter
Appearing to be strong.
But on the inside I am filled with pain and strife,
And everything seems so wrong.
Why did this have to happen?
How long will this depression and sadness last?
Will I ever feel happy again?
These are questions I frequently ask.
Does anyone understand
Or get what I am going through?
People often say things will get better-
How I long for this to be true.
Everyone else seems to have moved on with their lives
While I’m stuck in rewind or standing still
Left staring blankly out the window or at the wall
Reliving every moment, every memory, without will.
I’m sick of seeing pregnant people
And listening to when they are due.
I’m tired of seeing newborn babies
And promises of bright futures that are so fresh and new.
I really try to be happy for them-
Even if I don’t ask, it doesn’t mean I don’t care.
It’s that times like this
Are just too difficult to bear.
I wish people would take a minute
And put themselves in my shoes.
Maybe then they would think twice about their comments
Thus enlightening them with an empathetic view.
“Congratulations on your pregnancy!”
“By the way, when are you due?”
“All babies are ugly when they are first born.”
Oh… if people only knew.
Add to that, “You have to be happy for others.”
And, “You can’t just shut them out of your life.”
“Well, at least you can have more children.”
These are the comments that equate to being stabbed with a knife.
I’m reminded to cherish the positives in life
And to find the good in every situation.
I’m told to remain hopeful.
How do I do this when depression seems to be an infatuation?
I try to turn to God
To help me understand
The reason for this senseless act
It’s a constant reminder that He is in command.
I don’t have the answers now
They are kept at Heaven’s gate.
I look forward to the day
When I no longer have to wait.
God and I will have a chat
And I will get to ask him “why”
My little boy was taken so quickly
It’s as if he was only passing by.
But soon after this chat
I know that I will get to see
My precious little angel, Matthew,
Waiting just for me.
I envision running up to him
With my arms stretched out wide.
I imagine wrapping him in arms of love
And having him always by my side.
It is now that I can hold him
And rock him in my arms-
These aching arms that have felt so empty
Are now filled with so much charm.
Our family chain, once broken,
Will once again be made whole.
When we reunite eternally in Heaven
As faithful, loving souls.
Written by Kristen Woods