The Story of Julia May Lokie
August 25, 2005
In 2003, my
husband Mike and I decided to start a family. 2 years had past and we still
had no luck, so we decided to consult our doctor. Preliminary tests showed
that we were both able to conceive, so they wanted to put me on a fertility
drug called Clomid. The doctor told me I should have an ultrasound prior to
taking the fertility medicine. The test showed that I had a cyst on my ovary
that needed to be removed before I could start the Clomid. So on January 19,
2005 I had surgery to drain the cyst. They also removed scar tissue that I
had due to Endometriosis. I felt good knowing that these issues were
resolved and that we could start trying again once I had healed.
A month after
my surgery, I realized that my cycle had not returned. Blood work was
completed and it turned out I was pregnant! This was a complete surprise
since they checked my urine right before the surgery and I was not pregnant.
The doctor told us that during my surgery she did see a block in my right
tube, but that she left it alone. Later, after finding out that I was
pregnant, she believed the blockage in the tube was the start of our little
miracle. We unknowingly had conceived just before the surgery, but it was
too early to show up.
We were
concerned that I might lose the baby due to fact that I was pregnant during
the surgery and had taken pain medicine. But our little miracle kept growing
and growing and our pregnancy was worry free. We found out we were having a
girl and we named her Julia May. On August 20, 2005, I had my
baby shower. We received so many wonderful gifts and were so excited as the
birth approached. My due date was October 5th 2005. My husband
and I began to set up the baby swing and pack-n-play to prepare for Julia.
We were only 6 weeks away from our due date and wanted to be prepared for
anything. We had just finished our birthing classes and pre-registered at
Aultman Hospital for our delivery.
But on August
24th everything was put on hold. I woke up that morning and
realized that Julia wasn’t moving. I went to work thinking that she was just
sleepy and didn’t have much room to move anymore. But at lunch I called my
doctor and they told me to go right to the hospital. It was then that my
husband and I were told that Julia had died. They said it probably occurred
during the night. We were in complete shock. We stayed at the hospital and
they began to induce my labor that evening. The next day at 11:30 am, August
25th, our daughter was born. She was beautiful with thick dark
hair, delicate fingers and a dimple in her nose. She weighed 5 lbs, 4 ounces
and was 19 ¾ inches long. We were able to hold her and take pictures and
just tried to remember as much as we could about her.
Leaving the
hospital without our baby was extremely hard. A few days later we had a
graveside service and laid our daughter to rest. The whole event was
surreal. We couldn’t believe that in one week’s time we had a baby and then
buried a baby. Our world was turned upside down. We were very depressed and
lost for a long time. Our days were full of pain and confusion. Very few
people understood what we were going through and no one knew what to say or
how to act around us. My doctor ran blood work on me and found out that I
had MTHFR blood clotting disorder. I was told that this is probably what
caused my daughter’s death. There was no way to have known that I had this
disorder.
The holidays
were difficult as we felt this huge void in our life. We were supposed to be
celebrating Julia’s 1st Christmas, not dealing with the fact that
she had been gone for 4 months. We hoped that 2006 would be a better year
for us, but we still carried our pain around with us. A friend had told us
about a support group called God’s Tiny Angels. We finally had the strength
to reach out to others and went to our first meeting in the spring. Through
the group, we met life long friends and found great support. We participated
in the 2006 Walk for the Angels Walk-a-Thon. We were able to celebrate and
remember our daughter, and all the other babies that went to heaven too
soon.
Shortly after
the walk, we found out that God blessed us with another chance at having a
baby. We did not use any fertility, so we were surprised it happened. Things
started out good, but towards the end of my first trimester, I had a blood
clot and placenta previa. I also had to give myself shots of Heparin, a
blood thinner, due to my clotting disorder. I was put on bed rest for a few
months and was off work. Both issues finally resolved themselves and I went
back to work part-time. I had a few scares along the way, but the baby was
doing fine. I continued to do my shots and prayed they would protect me and
the baby. It was a long, rough road but on June 12, 2007 our son Quinn
Michael was born alive and well. We were overwhelmed with the joy of being
parents.
We love our son
more than life itself, but we will always wonder what it would have been
like to raise our daughter Julia.
Tiffany Lokie
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